Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Life Goes On

Yesterday I made a phone call to the doctor's office and told them I wanted to do IVF again. I have so much nervous excitement, and a little bit of dread. I have had to wait a couple of months until my body healed and they will finally let me try again. I don't think I have to tell anyone this, but I am going to go crazy during this. I am already off my rocker emotionally since I lost my baby. This past week I have cried at least once every day. Sometimes it just comes on with out any reason, and other times it's because I happened to be watching a show where someone was pregnant. Maybe it's too soon emotionally to try again, but I just can't sit and wait.

I'm hoping that I can get pregnant this time as well, it would really help the holidays go better for me. The IVF will be done by the end of November and I should know by around 2 week after. This holiday I will see my sister-in-law pregnant and I don't know how that will affect me, but if I was pregnant again I think I could handle it better. On the other hand, if I did this and I don't get pregnant...I don't think I can show up. Not unless they want a bawling, bitter person with them. I don't think they'd like that much. I don't know if they'd understand, his family already talks about her pregnancy in front of me. That bothers me quite a bit. It HURTS. I want to scream that at them, but I can't. I'm happy that they can have another child, but I am not ready to face that situation yet. I suppose that's just life and you've got to live with it.

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