Baby Blues

Next week is going to be a little scary for me, I am going for a consultation at a fertility clinic. As some of the officers of the guild know, my husband and I have been trying to have a child for well over a year now, it's probablly close to two year now that I think of it. I won't go into a great deal of details here about what is wrong, but it has to do with my estrogen levels, which are too low. Why I'm like this I don't know, and it's made me VERY upset at some points. The next step for me is ivf, which can get expensive. I'm not sure how much it is, I will figure that out on tuesday. I hope we can afford it, if not..well there's nothing else to do. 

I've been putting off this visit for months, giving the excuse that I'd wait until we had more money. My parents told me a while ago that if I was waiting for the perfect time to conceive, then that time would never come. There is always something going on in your life. I don't want to put it off any longer. I'm tired of seeing other family members with their babies, wishing that I was the one holding a new baby. I'm tired of feeling envious of those around me, and tired of feeling guilty because I feel envious. If I don't just go for it, nothing will ever happen.